OPINION: Water Wars: Don’t mess with Tennessee

Published: Thursday, April 18, 2013 at 02:56 PM.

Tennessee hosted the Scopes "Monkey" Trial, learned a lot, and now lets Darwinism take care of its problems. Once two guys got in a bar argument over who was the better shot. One said, “Bet I can shoot a beer can off your head.” The other said, “Can noh’t.” So they went to the parking lot to try and one guy killed the other.

Tennessee officials did not waste taxpayer money trying the survivor for manslaughter. He was allowed to plead to the lesser charge of being a redneck, which carries a $50 fine, the same as murder.

The U.S. Justice Department would have gotten involved and given him 20 years in prison — but there was no racial element in the crime, the defendant did not demand an ID from someone wanting to vote, and he did not illegally download any music.

It is a fiercely independent state. It did get in trouble with the Justice Department for making Gibson guitars out of illegally harvested wood. Like moonshine, the guitars are handcrafted in Tennessee, where legally manufacturing anything takes all the fun out of it.

Tennessee has great tourist attractions including Graceland, the Jack Daniel’s Distillery and Dollywood. There is also Euro-Dollywood, which I think is in Kentucky.

Tennessee should stand firm and play hardball on this water kerfuffle. Maybe it could bring in Russian President Vladimir Putin.  Now there is a leader who knows how to crack down on Georgians.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email Ron@RonaldHart.com or at visit RonaldHart.com.

1 2 3 4

Reader comments posted to this article may be published in our print edition. All rights reserved. This copyrighted material may not be re-published without permission. Links are encouraged.

▲ Return to Top

Local Faves