RON HART: Fearless predictions for 2014

Published: Thursday, January 9, 2014 at 05:11 PM.

•“Johnny Football” will not make it long in the NFL, nor will his scrambling ability help him anymore than it did Michael Vick. Novelty quarterbacks like Tim Tebow do not last long. I see a tearfully apologetic press conference in Johnny Football’s future. The only way his foot speed will help him is if he is drafted by Detroit; it will help him get safely from the stadium to his car in the parking lot.

•Another Kardashian will divorce. Either Chloe or Chlamydia (I'm not sure of all of their names). Obama will have to appoint the new Kardashian husband, presumably from the 2014 NBA draft.

•The Pope will grow in popularity thanks to his tolerance and compassion. The College of Cardinals will meet at the Vatican to celebrate the Pope’s first year; this conclave will mark the most celibate virgin men ever meeting in one place if you don’t count Star Trek conventions.

•North Korea’s dictator-in-training, Kim Jung Un, will continue to provoke the West by doing hapless things. He will try to launch another missile with technology beyond his current Mentos-and-Coke mixture.

• Polling confirms that Obama is and will continue to be worse than George Bush on protecting civil liberties. Pollsters would ask other questions, but poll-ees run and hide because they think they hear a drone overhead.

•The more than five million Americans who lost their health care coverage because of the ObamaCare debacle will scramble to buy replacement policies. Opportunist con artists will abound. These hucksters will try to entice their victims with false health care insurance promises like, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your current health care plan, you can keep it. Period.” So be careful.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email or at visit

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