A sign in a restaurant window — Eat Now, Pay Waiter.


At a golf course country club — Putt an end to your troubles.


Vegetable stand — Eat our corn on the cob and smile from ear to ear.


Saw this one on a real estate agent's car — Site Seeing Bus.


Undertakers' window — We arrange everything but the date.


Obstetrician's office — Pay as you Grow.


Can I sign you up for a few groans?


On a church bulletin board — Work for the Lord. The pay is not much, but the retirement plan is out of this world.


On a basketball coach's office — This office is closed, but if you can see over the transom, come on in.


A pagers' company sign — We're at your beep and call.


Rope Incorporated ad — Knot your ordinary company.


Honey farm claim — Our grade of honey is rated bee-plus.


Picture frame company sign — We want to hang around your house.


A glue company ad — Our customers always stick with us.


Sign in a marriage counselor's window — "Out to lunch!" think it over.


Antique shop — Come on in and buy what your grandmother threw out.


On the back of a florist truck — Caution, we make fragrant stops.


Music shop sign — Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.


Pawn shop sign — See us at your earliest inconvenience.


Travel agency window — Please go away.


Tire shop ad — We skid you not.


Hospital maternity ward door — Push, Push, Push.


Barbershop — We stand behind our work.


Dairy company truck — You can whip our cream but you can't beat our milk.


Funeral parlor — Satisfaction or your mummy back.


A sign on an electrical truck — Let us remove your shorts.


Taxidermist sign — We really know our stuff.


Used car lot — Second hand cars in first crashed condition.


Muffler shop — No appointment needed. We can hear you coming.


Diner window — Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.


Veterinarians office — Be back in five minutes. Sit, stay.


Kosher restaurant — Lox, Stock & Bagel.


In a prosecutor's office — If at first you don't convict, try, try again.


The bodybuilding academy — The weak ends here.


Computer store — Out for a quick byte.


Maybe you have a few others. Let me hear from you.


Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.