On Saturday morning, heard all across the country, “the royal wedding is on TV, the royal wedding is on,” screamed sons who could never quite throw a spiral.
As a royal wedding correspondent, I had to watch the royal wedding. And my youngest daughter has her wedding in November, so we all watched, which I hated. The Royals spent $40 million on their wedding and now I am the jerk who has to bring her Adairsville, Georgia, wedding in at .0025 percent of that. Thanks a lot Meghan Markle from the B-level TV show "Suits."
A few observations about the royal wedding. The father of the bride was a no-show. I can only speculate that he saw the $40 million tab and escaped to Mexico.
The wedding had the expected “pomp and circumstance.” They did well on the pomp, but I got a sense they just phoned in the circumstance.
In what the media reminds us is the most racist society of all time, the wedding was of an African-American woman who was once married, converted to Judaism, and had a black preacher and choir. This will mark the first time a black American becomes royalty, if you do not count Queen Latifah, Prince or Duke Ellington.
All Meghan Markle had to do to marry Prince Harry is renounce her past religions and be baptized into King Henry VIII’s Church of England — a religious order that has overseen the execution of many royal wives over that past few hundred years. The risk really pales by comparison of what she had to in Hollywood for a role in a Harvey Weinstein movie.
The newlyweds said no gifts, which was annoying to me because I had already gotten them one of those nice crock pots with a retractable cord and three settings. The couple instead wanted donations to The Invictus Games, a charity for injured war vets. If there is one thing, other than this wedding, that draws Great Briton and the USA together, it's expensive, intractable and unwinnable wars of occupation in some of the worst hell-holes in the world. We will always have that.
I guess we Americans are fascinated with royal weddings. Hollywood stars were there. The only thing I could compare it to in America would be the Westminster Dog Show, but with more tail sniffing. We do not have public spectacles like that here, unless you count the Congressional grilling of Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg and baseballs steroid user Jose Canseco.
No politicians were invited. Which is always refreshing. Trump was predictably mad and vowed not to invite any of the royals to his next three weddings.
Yet events like this bring the world together with more than 3 billion people said to have watched. Even troubled socialist and communist countries like Venezuela and North Korea celebrated by ordering one of their two remaining bushels of rice be thrown for the blessed occasion.
So in watching the biggest gathering of hats the world has seen in a decade, I walked away entertained and amused. And I will admit, I would have loved to have been at the wedding and the series of after-parties that night. In many ways, they are just like us. Just imagine what it be like to see the Queen get a little toasted and dance to "Uptown Funk" and then do the electric slide with Camilla? Precious moments.
A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron is often a guest on CNN. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.