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ELLEN FANNON: The best lessons are learned the hard way

Staff Writer
Walton Sun
Walton Sun

I don’t really mind the social isolation mandated by Covid-19 as I am an introvert—although I’m also, at this point in time, considered essential, so I’m still going to work as usual. I’m just taking histories and delivering advice in the parking lot. I just have to resist the urge to ask every client if they want fries with their pet’s rabies vaccine. Or a supersized blood workup. But I’m also in that scary group of old, more-at-risk people, due to having a recent Medicare birthday. Sometimes being old is really crummy; however, there are some advantages:

(A friend of my husband’s posted on his Facebook “Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading toward 80!” I don’t know who wrote it, but it is good for a laugh. And, as usual, I have to add my $.02 worth.)

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. (Of course not. If you die in their custody, they’ll be unlikely to collect the ransom. Plus then they’ll be stuck with your dead body.)

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. (Sure, who wants a hostage who has to be taken to the restroom every 30 minutes?)

3. No one expects you to run—anywhere. (I think the last time I ran was when we were forced to run the 600 yard dash in high school PE class. I still haven’t recovered.)

4. People call at 8 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?” (Yeah, but that’s okay, I had to get up to go to the bathroom anyway.)

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. (Ain’t that the truth? Sometimes our Sunday school class prayer requests sound like an organ recital—you know, bad knees, bad eyes, bad back, bad hearing, bad stomach, bad heart, bad gallbladder, etc.)

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. (Learned them all. Problem is nobody wants to hear about the valuable lessons I learned.)

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out. (But beware of buying green bananas.)

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM. (Darn right. When you’re as old as I am you can eat pretty much any time you want, whatever you want, and who cares about letting yourself go?)

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. (My husband didn’t find this applicable. I, on the other hand, have glasses stashed all over the house, in my purse, in my work jacket, etc. Still can’t find them.)

10. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. (I think mine has been there for quite some time. My brain is full and cannot accept any more information at this point.)

11. You can’t remember who sent you this list. (What list?)

12. And you notice these are all in BIG PRINT for your convenience. (This is BIG PRINT? Still looking for my glasses.)

The post ends with “Forward this to everyone you can remember right now! And remember, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!”

Sounds like good advice from someone whose brain was full and who had to learn a lesson the hard way.

Read all of Ellen Fannon’s blogs here.