SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Advice to readers for 2020

Patrick McAlpine
Walton Sun

Look to the future. That's where you are going to spend the rest of your life.

I intend on living forever. So far, so good.

Optometrists will be out of work this new year. Everyone will have 20/20 vision.

People tell us to go with the flow. But, don't follow this advice if you are at Niagara Falls.

I'm going to sell the shop vac that I received last year for Christmas. All it is doing is sitting in the basement collecting dust.

In 2020, will February March? No, but April May.

When someone dies between Feb. 19 and March 26, it can be said that they can Rest in Pisces.

In 2020, for most of us seniors, we can spend most of our time googling how to do stuff.

This year, be careful not to laugh at your wife's choices. Remember, you are one of those.

I have resolved this year to go on the TWELVE STEP chocolate program. This means that I will never be 12 steps from the stuff.

No sooner did we enter into 2020 when a few folks rapped on my door and asked for a small donation for the new swimming pool that the community was constructing. I excused myself and went to the kitchen and filled a small glass with water, came back and said to them.. "Here is my small donation."

I found out the coffee was not my cup of tea.

Life is short, so smile a lot while you still have teeth.

You're stuck with your debts if you can't budget.

Our county is increasing the number of recycling bins. Now, we have a bin for newspapers, one for magazines and one for all the unfinished Sudoku puzzles.

If at any time you are feeling cold, go stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

The new year didn't start off well for my new neighbor who just moved in. He was run over by the Welcome Wagon.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to