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SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Goodbye football, hello NASCAR and Indianapolis 500

Patrick McAlpine
Walton Sun

Puns to fuel laughter. Start your engines.

Will they decide to hold the Daytona 500 at night sometime soon and call it the NIGHTONA 500?

For most, this car racing business is just a "Busch" league sport.

Haircuts for workers in the pits must be crew-cuts.

The police pull a lot of the drivers over for not signaling when they turn left on each lap.

What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? An automobile.

Danica Patrick lost her primary sponsor. I guess she can say she has Go Daddy issues.

If that same Danica Patrick wins one of the big races, will she have to do a laps dance?

This Daytona 500 and Indianapolis 500 are really for the pits.

Drivers must take crash courses before they qualify.

Participants in this race have a wheely great time, but many get exhausted.

Ricky Stenhouse said that as a kid, he played ride and seek.

Erik Jones was heard saying before the start that he wasn't nervous. "I'm fuel as a cucumber."

Alex Bowman was heard singing Johnnie Mathis’ song, "Chances car."

For the first time, the Daytona 500 had a sheep driving in a Lamborgini.

Besides, a cook was in the race driving a Chef-rolet.

As for the Indianapolis 500, drivers don't eat before the race. Doing so could cause Indy-gestion.

Last year there was a wooden car entered in the Daytona 500, but it wooden start.

One Spanish drivers' car disappeared just before the race. His name was Carlos.

Officials checked all cars before the race and discovered snakes on many windows. Windshield vipers.

Daytona 500 drivers' favorite meal before the race — brake-fast.

One of the drivers last year was a guitar player who placed his guitar inside his vehicle. An accident occurred causing great damage to the instrument. It was a real Fender bender.

Racecar drivers' favorite Valentine’s poem to their spouses, "Engine, Engine, Number 9, will you be my Valentine?“

One driver was quite religious and placed a St. Christopher "medal to the pedal" to gain greater speed.

If Sammy Davis Junior were alive, he could host the event and sing his biggest song, "What kind of Fuel Am I?"

Just before the race in a practice outside the track a driver crashed his Mercedes into a tree. When asked for a comment, he replied, "That's the way the Mercedes Benz."

One of the drivers asked if he could paint a huge "S" on the side of his car. When asked why, he replied, "So fans can see my ESCARGOT.“

Winners of each race sure milk the race for all it's got.

Many of the cars driven in this event get gas pains.

A slippery track is called Skid Row by the drivers.

If all the cars in the U.S.A. were pink then the U.S.A. could be called a pink carnation.

Seriously, these races are a motor of life and death.

Many of the cars come fuel circle.

For many of the racers, ride comes before a fall.

One of the drivers was heard saying, "Heads I win, tail lights you lose."

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.